Monty Python's Life of BrianDVD - 2003
From the critics
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(A crowd is listening to Jesus speak) Mrs. Big Nose: "Don't pick your nose!" Mr. Big Nose: "I wasn't pickin' my nose! I was scratchin' it!" Mrs. Big Nose: "You was pickin' it, while you was talkin' to that lady!" Mr. Big Nose: "I wasn't!" Mrs. Big Nose: "Leave it alone! Give it a rest!" Stan: "Do you mind? I can't 'ear a word he's sayin'!" Mrs. Big Nose: "Don't you 'Do you mind' me! I was talkin' to my 'usband!" Stan: "Well, go and talk to 'im somewhere else! I can't 'ear a bloody thing!" Mr. Big Nose: "Don't you swear at my wife!" Stan: "I was only askin' 'er to shut up, so we can 'ear what he's sayin', 'Big Nose'." Mrs. Big Nose: "Don't you call my 'usband 'Big Nose'!" Stan: "Well, he 'as got a big nose!" Man #1 (trying to hear Jesus): "Would you be quiet, please. What was that?" Stan: "I don't know; I was too busy talkin' to 'Big Nose'." Man #2: "I think it was: 'Blessed are the cheese-makers'!" (cont'd)
(A crowd is listening to Jesus speak) (cont'd) Wife: "What's so special about the cheese-makers?" Husband: "Well, obviously, it's not meant to be taken literally -- it refers to any manufacturer of... dairy products." Stan: "See? If you 'adn't been goin' on, we'd 'ave 'eard that, 'Big Nose'!" Mr. Big Nose: "Say that once more -- I'll smash your bloody face in!" Stan: "Better keep listening; might be a bit about 'Blessed are the Big Noses'." Brian: "Lay off him!" Stan: "Oh, you're not so bad yourself, cock-face... Where are you two from? 'Nose City'?" Mr. Big Nose: "One more time, mate! I'll take you to the f*ckin' cleaners!" Mrs. Big Nose: "Language! And don't pick your nose!"
Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Brian?s mother: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian: I wasn't!
Brian?s mother: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small? "
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.